i really believe in the power of positive thinking and i only ever say good things about my life. i've noticed especially how often i do this lately when people ask me how my life is in korea. for the most part, i love it here. but i have moments, of course. i keep them to myself, or on paper, b/c i've seen how the negativity turns into a whine fest; others will join in and compare sad stories. sometimes it's good, cathartic, is that the word? i dont chance it tho b/c there's the risk of it NOT being good, of bringing you further down. im down enough as it is, i dont want any help.
Date: Thu, 27 Sep 2007 10:49:00 -0700
Subject: blogs and addresses
i know it has been awhile. i had some issues with my phone which is my main source of internet. i am still thinking about Korea. In fact, i think about it alot. the problem is I really like Oakland. I feel like going becomes a logical option when i amfeeling all depressed and crappy. (pardon the lack of spacing this keyboard is trippin.) but yeah, i am thinking about being there and being solitary and being away from all that is familiar (sp?) and i am really afraid or perhaps nervous is a better word. actually, that's a lie. when I spend a lot of time alone i get dangerously introspective.
but i didnt' come here to talk about that. I would like to reconnect to your blogs. the last time i checked you had a couple. and for some reason, I amnot getting the updates like i used to. so if you could forward your new blogs to me i would really appreciate it.;
I hope you are doing well.
Subject: RE: blogs and addresses
sistershainseoul.blogspot.com which is just the emails i send to my parents. theblackeslteacher.blogspot.com which is about how i got here, and how i do things (get a cell phone, etc). this one isnt updated too often.
im sorry you got the blues. are you still seeing a doctor/therapist? have you tried seeing a psychiatrist? or medication?
korea can be really lonely and awful; if i werent on meds, i think i'd have a very very hard time here. i love my job, but there's no one to talk to, there are no black people, there are no black events. there are some black people i see/know, but there's no unity here, i hardly see them, we dont get together regularly as i'd hoped. being here, everything is hard: buying groceries, going to the doctor, to the post office, b/c i cant speak korean.
overall, i AM happy, i love the kids, i love the money i make. but it's hard sometimes, for sure. but i just remember that i made a choice to be here, that i could leave if i really wanted to, that it's only a year, everything is temporary, etc.
update 02/08: having a circle of black friends is a personal preference. my coworkers have never been anything other than kind to me, and invite me out often, and NEVER made me feel bad when i would (often) decline. they are nice, but i was needing a different kind of connection. now that i have one, it has made living here infinitely better and life is wonderful. i dont go a day w/out speaking to one of my sistas online or on the phone, i see them every weekend, and they make me so fucking happy. it took a while until i found them... and so, those first several months living here was really lonely sometimes. i'd like to clarify, it's not just any black friend that would do it, i ve met more like-minded people now, and it's changed everything.
meet other brothas and sistas in korea:
to find more of us in seoul:myspace: http://groups.myspace.com/seoulbrothasandsistas